I think I'm stuck. I realized last night that I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. I'm taking things one day at a time, which I guess is good - it halves stress overload, I think - but I have no plans for anything. My foresight perception is fucked. Either that or it's working far too well for my liking.

I started freaking out about leaving High School. I just got here, I don't have anything to worry about yet. I think it's just that most of the kids I'm with now, save for only a handful, I've known for nine years of my life. Nine out of fifteen... sixty percent of my life I've known them. Yeah, we skip from school to school, and some of us don't go to the same school even now, but we're in a small community and bump into each other time and time again.

When high school's over... that's it. We're tossed out of our nests and thrown into the world, and we won't be running into each other at the grocery store anymore. College will come and go, and then we'll fall into the monotony of new lives, adult lives. Paying bills, getting married, raising kids... What's after that?

I know, most of the time I come off as a mildly asocial (thank you, Ish) shadow, if you will, but I need my friends. I - and God shoot me dead for managing to choke this out - need school. Not the educational school, but - shoot me twice, now - the social aspect of school.

Now that's a break from your everyday Ness, isn't it?

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And speaking of school, I took a trip to the back art hall today. For anyone that goes to my school, the back art hall is the slums of the slums. That's where the druggies go to catch a hit on their weapon of choice. Actually, today I managed to see the appeal. It's like a little town back there. Or maybe it was just today. The Ceramics kids were working on their stuff on a table in the hallway, and the mens chorus was practicing, standing on a line in the middle of the hallway (their class was occupied, perhaps?). Full chorus and orcheastra were both in session, and the band members were wheeling things to the theatre for a performance they have coming up. It was oddly comforting. I can see why people might meander back there when they're skipping.

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So I let myself get talked into joining this Highschool RP thing that Ilya invited me to. I don't know if I'm actually gonna play, though. I mean, I signed up because his character is dating some other girl on this thing, and he said I should join so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

I don't want to sound like a selfish whore or anything, but that really makes me worry.

-sighs- It's a confusing array of emotions, and I'm not very good at "vocalizing" emotions, so I'm shying away from it yet again.

Ilya, next time you talk to me, make sure I spill, 'else this could grow into something nasty.

Oh yeah, and honey, I was gonna write you a nice, long, sappy e-mail, but somehow I ended up writing in my blog instead.

-shrugs-

Congratulations on getting your poem published, Kandy. :)

And now Ness has to go get more than 5 hours of sleep, as she has a Bio test tomorrow that she can't afford to flunk.

Later.

End