A note on cutting:

I cannot see the attraction people find in "cutting." It's a plead for attention, and in the worst way possible.

There is no flow of ecstasy, the world is not suddenly clearer, and your pain does not seep out of you. You do, however, get a scar (scars are permanent, kiddies - let's not forget that).

So see, because of a minute of severe frustration/pented anger released, I'll have an ikkle triangle on my arm for the rest of my life.

At least I know better now.

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I talked to Ilya for the first time in too long (four days?) yesterday.

GOD I LOVE HIM.

It scares me, though, because this is so close to what I felt with Dustin, and Wai-shun knows what that did to me. -shivers slightly- I don't want it to happen again, and the potential for another depressing repeat is there, GLARING at me. I'm apprehensive, I'm agitated that I can't get OVER that apprehension. I trust Il with my life (I'm pretty sure he knows that), but still there's that tiny pessimistic voice nagging at me from the back of my mind. It's that damn voice that makes me slip up and fuck up what I'm trying to say. -sigh-

But it was so nice hearing his voice again. It's changed so much since January. He sounds a lot older now. I'll have to press him for a more recent picture.

Umkay, well Leah and Miles are headed over. I wonder if I can talk Dad into letting me order Underworld? -ponder-

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